What Does Connection Have To Do With Discipline? Nothing!

I’m actually writing this morning in reference to two articles that appeared in our local newspaper about student behavior. The first article was about police intervening after students were having a discussion about school shootings. And the second, about rates of chronic school absenteeism dropping. In the first instance several students in a local high school were talking about school shootings and one of the comments that there are “serial killer types who could do something like that here”. this remark was overheard and the remarks were passed on via social media, panic ensued and criminal charges are being sought! The second article is about chronic absenteeism and the steps that are will be taken to curb it. This includes legislation that “requires school officials to meet with parents of k-6 student’s who are chronically absent and intervene to improve the student’s attendance.” And mandates that schools report students who are habiltually truant to the local prosecutor’s office.

The dictionary definition of discipline is the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience. Looking at the examples of student misbehaivor pointed out above, it appears that little to nothing has been done to connect with the students who are obviously NOT doing okay. And by “not doing” I don’t mean being rebellious in any way. In the first instance the students may be coming from a place of fear. Afterall a young teen walked into a school in Georgia last week and shot and killed both students and teachers…and yes, how do we know it won’t happen in our school? The students were having a fear-based conversation about what seems to them perhaps, to be inevitable. And the solution to this behavior, albeit fear-based given what happend elsewhere, is that they may be charged criminally!!! And in the second article about chronic absenteeism the solution is to have a parent meeting and report students to the authorities.

The piece of this equation is that nothing seems to be discussed about connecting with the students in both cases to find out what might be going on that is causing these behaviors. In the days that followed and are following the school shooting in Georgia, there should be ongoing adult/student conversations about what has happened including letting students know that the adults in the building are there for them…not just to teach and hand out grades, but are available to talk about anything. And in the case of chronic truancy, the students should be having the conversations initiated by an approachable, caring adult about how they are doing, what they might need from the school or from that caring adult. The parents and teachers cannot come up with solutions without hearing from the student about what they need,what is happening to them, perhaps at home, but also perhaps at school, that is causing them to not be okay. We don’t need to “discipline”. We need to let students know, rather, that yes: THEIR SAFETY MATTERS; THEIR NEEDS MATTER, THEIR VOICE MATTERS; THEIR CHOICES MATTER;
THEY MATTER! Obedience is NOT the issue here; punishment is NOT issue…the need for connection is!

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