This morning I have on my mind parenting and how to help parents make the shift from reacting to their child’s negative behaviors, to responding to their child’s needs. Notice what I’ve done there I actually changed from addressing a behavior to addressing a need AND with that changed from “reaction” to “response”. By responding to our child, we are putting our thoughts ahead of our actions. You are actually going to use “behavior modification” on yourself. And yes, I am going to offer you some tools to do just that:
- Breathe for several moments
- Empathize with your child; validate their emotions
- Connect with your child by being curious as to what is going on.
- Listen to what your child is saying in regards to what they need in the moment
- Do the above without judgment, perhaps curiosity to find a solution/s.
- Help your child to feel calm; when you can regulate (i.e. calm), you can help your child to regulate. Perhaps, deep breathing together.
About Author
I have been a social worker for 31 years. My work has been with families and children first in the area of Child Protective Services and then as a therapist working with the same population. I have worked with divorcing and divorced parents teaching co-parenting techniques, supervised therapists and have been a social worker for emotionally challenged children and adolescents in an inner city school system. About 7 years ago I was introduced to the work of Bryan Post and, as a friend and colleague said at the time…I went Post-al. All of my previous assumptions and indeed my work using behavioral interventions, got pushed aside. And along came the realization that none of the interventions, meant to change behaviors, had anything in common with helping children heal from the trauma they had experienced. My best work these days is as a coach/consultant for parents, other caregivers, and teachers. The services I provide are parent education, coaching, consulting and supervising. I am the mother of five adult children and grandmother to five. I am both a bio mom and an adoptive mom.
